I understood that my life had to change”: MenCare stories from Sri Lanka
Story from Ambagamuwa Area Development Program
World Vision Lanka’s Ambagamuwa Area Development Program (ADP) has been carrying out MenCare programming since 2012, improving the lives of children and families in the Sri Lankan plantation community. This month, the Ambagamuwa ADP shared stories from three fathers who participated in the program.
Ramesh’s Story
Ramesh, a 30-year-old father of four, married estate worker Nirmala Devi at 22 years old. After the marriage, Ramesh traveled to Colombo – 150 kilometers away from his home – in search of employment. Due to distance and the constraints of his new job, Ramesh was unable to return home regularly. He began to drink a lot with friends and visit his family even less frequently. When he did come home, he often became violent toward his wife and disregarded his children and their academic needs.
In 2013, Ramesh joined a MenCare fathers’ group conducted by the Ambagamuwa ADP. He participated in the program for about six months, and through the groups, he began to realize the importance of becoming more involved in the lives of his wife and children in equitable and nonviolent ways.
Nirmala Devi said that her husband’s new commitment to nonviolence and participation at home helped the entire family:
“We had many problems in our family. They all changed as my husband started to attend MenCare classes,” Nirmala Devi says. “First of all, he gave up his job in Colombo and found a job in the estate. He stopped complaining and quarrelling with me over my shortcomings. Instead of that, he came forward to help me with the domestic work like cooking, washing clothes, and taking care of children. His presence at home brought joy and happiness to my family. My children were very happy to have him at home.”
Ramesh also recognizes that his change made him a better father, improved his relationship with his wife, and increased his own happiness.
“I stopped consuming liquor, except at the times of parties or weddings,” Ramesh says. “Before, I used to spend a lot of money on alcohol. But now I can spend it to fulfill the needs of the children.
“I can now understand the problems my spouse goes through. Earlier, I only complained and fought with her, as I felt she was the culprit for all the problems. But now I help her to look after children and do the domestic work. We solve our family problems together. I feel the lessons I learned in the MenCare program were very important for me. I was not a good father before. But now I feel I am a good father. I love my family a lot.”
